


Beautiful, Ugly Lies

by Thepresidentofrussia23



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: #useremmett, Aftermath of Violence, Amanda Rollins deserves no happiness, Amanda Rollins deserves no mercy, Amanda Rollins is a Georgia Bitch and she knows it, Amanda Rollins is a asshole period, Amanda Rollins is a fucking cunt, Amanda Rollns is pure evil, Amanda rollins is a manipulative bitch, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assault, Blood and Violence, Domestic Violence, Don't Like Don't Read, Don't read this if you kiss Amanda Rollin's ass, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Flashbacks, Gaslighting, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Mind Manipulation, Night Terrors, Nightmare Fuel, Pain, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, read the fucking tags you dumb morons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepresidentofrussia23/pseuds/Thepresidentofrussia23
Summary: Domestic violence is never okay and as a child, Nick witnessed it daily from his father, and now as an adult, he is trapped in the same situation as his mother was before she ran off and abandoned him to the fate at his father's hands."1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence from their partner. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime (NCDAV)"Idea was proposed by a tumblr user by the name of @neworleansspecial
Relationships: Nick Amaro/Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Kudos: 7





	1. Concussion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lesbianettes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianettes/gifts).



> I wanted to write this fanfic because well, Amanda is a trashy piece of shit and deserves nothing after treating a raped prostitute like nothing. And the fact that Nick was so fucking patient with her pisses me off like he's selling himself out for someone as scummy as Amanda when he should be dating Olivia or someone 10000X better than Amanda...hell even Ed Tucker is better than that loser. And remember, no matter what, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NEVER EVER OKAY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! EVER!!!

His head was ringing and his ears were buzzing, he lay on his side as he could see the broken glass glint in the dim light from the dying cone lightbulbs from the apartment ceiling, the glass reflecting and shining on the dark inky liquid wine that was splattered all over the floor. Nick blinked, as the blonde figure's face was blurred in front of him and she sounded distorted and echo sounding in his head. His head hurt the most and he wanted the pain to dull a little bit so that he could take the time to understand what she was saying, she looked angry and she looked like she was yelling at him. He had a hazy understanding that she was angry and that his mouth tasted like pennies from the bleeding inside his mouth and he could feel a few teeth move in his mouth as if they were knocked loose. 

Nick could hear someone outside pounding on the door, shouting, but it sounded muffled because of how much his head was spinning and the last thing he remembered was Amanda punching him in the face and his vision went dark.

Meanwhile Amanda broke down and opened the door, making herself look like the battered girlfriend in front of the patrol officer and she whimpered, her sobs loud and high pitched as she cried 

"Please help me! You have to stop him! He is a monster! He is just like his dad! I just managed to fight back because he threatened to beat me with his bat. Please!" She slumped in the officer's arms, desperate for protection that she did not deserve, not after what she had done to Nick.

The officer helped her to the couch gently and added 

"I will call Staten Island SVU since this might be something that Manhattan won't be able to handle due to COI, okay Detective Rollins? Just sit tight and I'll make the call."

Soon Detective 1st grade Zakaria Menshikov and Sgt. Lisbeth McDowell come over and they then take her to their station as she weeps and said 

"Please keep them safe officer."

The uniforms nod at her and she leaves to be interrogated.

Meanwhile at the hospital, Nick woke up, his head was feeling as if someone had slammed a rock to the side of his head and he wished the pain would soon stop. He tried to move his wrists to scratch his nose to no avail, his wrists were handcuffed to the rails and he panicked. He felt his breathing tighten as he looked around and realized that he was most likely under arrest, he knew the protocol too well because he had arrested a few drunk drivers himself back when he was a beat cop. He gulped as a cop came over and pulled out a little card and read 

"You are under arrest for domestic battery and assault of an officer Nicholas Amaro, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you. You also have the right to a union representative as a member of the NYPD, if you request one, one will be provided to you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

Amaro croaked "Yes I do. I invoke my right to counsel and union representation."

The officer nodded and then left the room to call his lawyer and to call his union representative while Olivia came in and sat next to him, looking very sad and very disappointed and sighed as she began 

"I just want to know why this happened."

Nick didn't care about that, he simply broke down and said "Please make sure Jessie and Billie are okay...please. Jessie and Billie need to be okay."

He sobbed harder as he explained 

"Please, it wasn't her fault, I just made her very angry. She's a good person, I swear she is Olivia, you have to believe me, she's a good person, I'm sure she meant no harm by what she said. She said she was sorry before and she's always meant what she said before...she drinks...and she drinks so much, and she knows I don't like it when she drinks so much around me and the kids, but she didn't mean it...I promise. She slapped me very hard and I shoved her back, just enough to give us physical space, not so that she could get hurt and she slammed against the countertop and then whacked me with the bottle...I'm not even sure for how long was I out."

He bawled harder as he looked away in tears, feeling battered and in pain as the techs take him to the radiology room and they restrain him using strong restraints made of Velcro and could hold down a three hundred pound man and then they moved him into the CT scan machine and scanned his head and then the doctor added 

"Yep. He definitely has a concussion Captain Benson, and in addition, he has a BAC of 0.0, he is as sober as a judge and he has bruises all over him."

Benson nodded and was wondering how things became so messy between these two lovers, she thought they were perfect for each other.


	2. Fragments of my head

All Nick wanted was to prove that he was innocent, but he didn't want to destroy Amanda's career, he loved her very much and thought she was a beautiful woman, he thought of her as an angel and someone who had hung the moon. But one thing that she did have was that she _never, ever_ took no for an answer and that was what bothered him, but she was always gifting him his favorite things that he liked especially from his favorite shows he enjoyed watching. 

Meanwhile the detective from Staten Island watched over the kids and said "So do you ever guys see your mommy and daddy fight?"

Jessie shrugged as she watched cartoons and looked up and began "Mommy always says its not nice to hit other people, but she always seems to hit daddy so much"

Zakaria took a mental note of that and made sure that he wrote that down in his note pad. Meanwhile at the Staten Island SVU precinct, Lisbeth was interrogating Amanda in a interrogation that was made for victims and not perpetrators, the chair was soft and cushy, the walls were painted an eggshell yellow and the carpeting looked slightly worn and she saw there seemed to be a bit of a coffee stain in a corner and there was a mirror to the side of her. Amanda was a lot of things, but she was not stupid, she knew that was interrogation mirror and that it was designed so that people on the other side could see what she was doing but she could not see them.

She sighed as she looked around before a detective sat down and then spoke to her and asked her questions and she replied to them, tearful and dramatic and sobbing, she was putting up the perfect show of lies, a show of ugly lies that could rear its dangerous head and bite her in the end if she was not careful. She sobbed and pleaded

"He is a man who will hurt us, you have to protect us from him, he is a monster! He can't control his temper! He keeps getting into outbursts of rage and he keeps yelling and punching walls and things, I'm worried he might hurt my kids...I'm scared that he might kill us all one day. You cannot let him near us please! Please for the love of god protect us!"

She sobbed and the detective pushed her a box of tissues as the Sargent reassured her 

"Everything will be okay Detective Rollins, we promise that everything will be fine. We will protect you from anybody who tries to harm you or your kids."

She sobbed harder into the tissues and then nodded. She hoped that his life was ruined after all of this.

Nick woke up again to his lawyer and he spoke to the lawyer, her name was Rita Calhoun and she was here to help him with his case. She sighed as she looked through his police record and said 

"Well your police record is very much not going to attest for your character at all, you shot and paralyzed someone, lost your temper on a photographer who was a sex offender and was accused of stalking your ex wife. Wow, you really do have a checkered record for sure. But you have made some good arrests I can see, and also it seems that you have been raising one of your ex-girlfriend's children on your own while she was in Iraq. I think you might have a good case but it will be extraordinarily difficult if it is going to be Rafael Barba, he is someone who even I wouldn't want to mess with even when he is in a good mood."

Nick knew his chances were slim to none for victory if this went to trial, nobody would ever believe his story, not even those twelve jurors, he hated himself for falling in love with Amanda and he knew he was at fault for falling for her honeyed lies and honeyed words.

Nick was soon taken to arraignment and he was in shackles and a jumpsuit, he was not unfamiliar to being on the Defendant's side of the aisle, but each time he was, it damaged him deeply inside and he hated it so much. It made him especially sick because he remembered when his father assaulted and beat the hell out of his mother to the point that she ran away and never came back, he wasn't sure if she was alive or dead or just simply vanished, he couldn't even find her on the National Crime Database either. It was as if she had become a ghost. Nick was still scarred by the disappearance of his mother and he hated how much it had traumatized him and destroyed his innocence in the very end. 

Nick was soon granted bail due to the fact that he had ties to the community as an NYPD officer due to Rita's smart research and ability to argue brilliantly despite being under pressure from Barba. Barba took the time to relish in Nick's arrest and snorted

"So this is where your bodega psychoanalysis landed you? A jail, twice? You're weak, and pathetic really."

Those words felt like knives in his heart, and he knew he would never be as worthy or as pure or as beloved as Barba, he knew he wasn't the hero and in the end, he would die alone and unloved, unworthy of love or affection.

Nick was alone in the bathroom, wondering if he should just end it all, that the pain would be over and that the teasing and the taunts would be no more, that the hatred and the animosity would stop forever. That there would be nothing for them to hate, because he would be dead forever. He wondered if the pain would stop with death, because at this point, life was not worth this humiliation and this agony and this hatred he was dealing with. He never forgot when Amanda accused him of being jealous of everyone when he wasn't and even derisively added 

"I would recommend help, but there is no 12 step plan for self-pity."

Nick realized at that moment, he was not worth saving, he wasn't even worth the effort of being saved. 


End file.
